:: greatness is a life well-lived ::

on spiders and geese

With the advent of spring to West Michigan, it seems that the spiders have come out of hibernation. I didn't know spiders hibernated. Perhaps they've reproduced...whatever the case, I am certain there were not this many spiders throughout our house the past months. A house full of women and spiders is not a good mix, so, being the "man" of the family (ummmm...), I braved 3 spiders in one 6 inch space of wall. I hear tell that Moriah got 5 early that same day. There are still a few more hanging around the corners by the ceiling. Gross. I do find sick pleasure in squishing them and flushing their dead carcasses down the toilet. I recall a story my friend Kristin told me of a spider she battled in Vietnam...[shivers]

In related matters, as I strolled around the campus pond today at lunch, enjoying the beauty of the 70-degree spring day, I came upon a cute little goose family on the path in front of me. Being around this campus for going on 7 years, and dealing with these nasty things and their droppings for 11 months of the year, in all honesty, I did not think "oh what a cute little goose family." Hardly. I thought, "disgusting, stupid, bothersome creatures, I wish you'd all die."

They must have read my mind, because one starting hissing at me. I hissed back and stomped toward the bunch, thinking, "I have dominion over you animals. I WILL have the freedom to walk on this sidewalk. You WILL move for me."

Well, the nasty thing puffed out its feathers and dropped its head to attack, opening wide its jaws and hissing louder, and then it started to move quickly my direction. Suddenly, I was afraid. I envisioned the campus newspaper headlines, "I fought the goose and the goose won," with a picture of my scattered styrofoam lunch container and goose poop smeared over everything.

I retreated. (I didn't run, mind you, just backed up a step or two). Now I was mad. How DARE they have this power over me. I threw a stick. It hit the offender, but unfortunately didn't do enough damage to scare them away. If I had been wearing closed-toe shoes and full-length trousers, I definitely would have left a footprint in that goose's head, and (shocking, I know) would have gladly trampled a few of the "cute" babies (they grow up to be mean and nasty, I have no affection for the creatures).

I was in a pickle. I wasn't sure how deadly a goose bite would be, and didn't want to find out. Luckily (but to my angst) two men came strolling along from the other direction. They were completely unaware of my helpless, frustrating situation, but their presence was enough to outnumber the stupid geese, and the family quickly made its way to the pond. I was peeved, although thankful. I wanted to scare the geese away myself. I thanked the men, but they were still unaware they had just rescued me, and responded, "oh we were talking about something else." (what the heck??? oblivious!)

I've never had an affinity to hunting before, but it's never been more interesting to me than after today's trauma. I'm thinking I'll take up the sport, as long as I can put a few rounds into some geese. I think I'll start a Cornerstone University hunting and gaming club, get some permits to clean up this campus, and invest in a nice firearm. And you're all invited to my house for roast goose dinner!

posted by FaithChristine @ 13:17