:: greatness is a life well-lived ::

the things we carry around

In the dark corner of the basement, behind a curtain, nearly forgotten, six or seven rather large rubbermaid-containers sit waiting. They contain things of my past, stuffed away and long-forgotten about, except a random memory that rises to the surface or some old paper item "I just know is in there somewhere" and I go searching for it. I also have about 4 packing boxes stuffed with paper-junk and random things that have amassed in the past two or so years, now moved with me back to my parents house, where I am currently residing.

During this sabbatical time, one of my goals is ridding myself of the things I carry around. I'm sick of moving boxes of unwanted items, clutter and things that don't need to come with me anymore. It's a waste of space in moving trucks, my room and simply my mind. And the old containers filled with even more distant things of the past, those too must be gone through and farewelled. School papers, awards and trophies, trinkets and memorabilia, stuffed animals, old useless documents, love notes from old relationships...who needs these anyway? Certainly not me. And no one else can really do the work of going through my stuff (unless they just blindly throw it all away, which is tempting to do at times, but I'm much too sentimental to do that!).

And it makes me think, not just about the clutter that fills my room and stresses me out each time I have to move, but also of the things that clutter our minds that we carry around with us. Past hurts and wounds, harsh words, broken relationships, disappointments, failures, expectations of others, expectations of ourselves, guilt, sorrow, memories that we grasp to (good or bad) that more often than not seem to hold us back from the present and the future, dreams and hopes and wishes, accomplishments, happy times, traditions...the list is endless. We carry so much, and not that it's all that bad sometimes, but as I sift through the boxes and crates and containers of all the stuff I've amassed in 26 years, I recognize that some things I held so significantly when I was 10 or 16 or 22, yes, helped shape who I am now, but are not necessary to hold onto any longer. And things that remind me of hurts I've felt, yes, deal with the pain, but let go and move on, for there's so much more life to be lived, and suffering produces perseverance, and perseverance character, and character, hope. And Hope does not disappoint us, for God has poured out His love into our hearts (Romans 5)...

It's exhausting to dig through what seems like endless things I've carried around (both the real boxes of stuff and the mental-emotional stuff), but I recognize how important it is for me to do this right now. I want to rightly view my past in the context of God's faithfulness and great mercy to me, seeing me thus far, and free myself from holding too tightly to anything (especially things of the past), in order to fully embrace and invest in the present, and consequently, the future.

posted by FaithChristine @ 00:31